I just had an orientation session which was devoid of students. There were zero students in attendance. I only anticipated one student, and zero showed up. None.
I was sitting, waiting, for 45 minutes or so, feeling somewhat ambivalent about whether I wanted students to show up. In the end, I waited until a quarter til the hour, decided that nobody was going to show, and I left, offering only vague explanations as to what might have been the cause of the lack of attendance. "You know adult students, sometimes...We should have called earlier...Our program assistant has been out," etc...
As I drove back to school, I was alarmed to realize how truly ambivalent I had been. What had caused this? Why did I not care about this? Was I not embarrassed by this relative fiasco?
Has me thinking about finding something wherein I would feel embarrassed, frustrated, curious, motivated, etc...by an event not going well.