"It begins. 2/25/09 12:05 PM. Just had a beer in SA. Had a Budweiser, because I'm not paying import prices in Ecuador. Sitting @ gate, 15/25 people on cell phones.
Lady slamming bacon/ranch/egg/cheddar salad when, suddenly, some clown begins to scream, no SCREAM, in spanish. His spanish sucks a fat one. I am confident in my spanish more than ever.
Sure enough, the clogger gets mad that she's being outdone by shave-head business baldy and decides to take it up a notch. Her daughter who is probably about 7 is concerned that they will not be able to bring their water onto the plane. This is a valid, if not extremely observant concern. Mom is convinced otherwise, and promptly ends the conversation with the following word to the wise: 'Stop arguing, you're not an adult.' Whoa.
Vegetarianism means options.
On the plane to Quito, I am told my vegetarian snack cannot be found. It isn't on the plane. Like Jodie Foster in that one plane movie, I argue and say they're all crazy. They respond that it's me, Ms. Foster, who's crazily mistaken.
Instead, I'm offered a salad and the other shit.
I receive a small iceberg and red cabbage salad, caesar dressing (anchovies), mayo (eggs) for my missing veggie burger, chocolate bar (milk), and a packet of Cholula hot sauce.
Solution: Eat the iceberg naked. Enjoy how bitter and shitty it is in a way you've never done before. Order a tomato juice. Cross fingers for a full 12 oz can, but prepare for the worst. Take the worst, and dump Cholula hot sauce in. Savor that 'mato juice as never before. Also, don't forget about the almonds that you bought in the airport (4.49). Eat slowly and enjoy every bite as your planemates stuff their faces with either a chicken sandwich or beef burrito. Their stomachs will hurt."