Sunday, January 4, 2009

HIV Tests and Metal Detectors

In the process/shitstorm that is visa application, I've learned that an HIV test is required.  I will do well on the HIV test.  About this, there is no doubt.  I've not been in risky situations often, to say the least.  

However, as the thing becomes more of a reality, I've gotten an interesting feeling about it.  This is all very interesting considering the discussion about phobias I had with some friends at a potluck last night.  I thought of this on the way home from Praveen and Choi's house.  

The visceral fear/uneasiness/general discomfort I have with the pending HIV test feels the same as my clearing a metal detector, say in an airport.  To the extent my logical side knows I will have no problem getting the result I expect and desire from the HIV test, I know as much as one can 'know' anything that I've never carried a knife or gun anywhere, much less in an airport.  Regardless, I still am stricken with that same darned uneasiness that causes me to tense up all over; I guess my brain's way to thumb its nose at Cartesian dualism.  As sing the Garbage Pail Kids, 'We can do anything by working with each other...'

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting that these two situations which, on the surface, are quite different, likely have the same origin.  Over the next while, I'll be digging to try and find said origin.  

I would guess that part of it has to do with not wanting to be pointed out in jest.  At one time in my life, I was very destructively and distractingly self-conscious.  Over the years of this consciousness, the beast started to lose its connection to anything realistic or logical.  In the years previous to right now, I have been able to examine this sentiment critically and logically, realizing that It had lost all grounding and logical foundation.  I have mentioned before that this entity has a voice which still speaks as an advisor, albeit an advisor I no longer act on or place much faith in.  I would assume the feeling began simply enough, as a desire to avoid things like dropping books or tripping in the hallway at school.  The old, 'laughing at me, rather than with me' situation.  

Anywho, interesting thinking today.  

Related to this, somewhat, and to the idea of dualism and body and mind symbiosis, there were some really good quotes in The Last Temptation of Christ.  

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